Interview with the Bohos…Oh, and Benny's here too
by CrazyCabernet
Summary: Exactly as the title implies, this is one of those things where you send in questions, dares, etc. to the characters. I've never seen this done for RENT before, so after watching it today, I thought I'd give it a shot. Rating is because, um, HELLO, people, it's RENT! Do I really have to say it!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I know that I REEEEAAAALLY shouldn't be posting anything else with everything I've already got going, but I watched RENT today, and then I realized that I'd never seen one of these for the RENT fandom, so I decided I'd try my hand at doing one myself.**

**...Ugh.**

**—Maggie**

**DISCLAIMER: I own nobody except myself, Bree belongs to herself, and everybody else belongs to Jonathon Larson. Man, though, I sure wish I could tie up Adam Pascal and keep him in my closet...*le fangirl drools***

* * *

Roger was very confused. How, in the name of all that was holy, had he ended up on an empty stage when he'd literally less than a minute ago been lounging on the couch at the loft strumming out random chords and notes on his guitar? For that matter, where had his guitar gone? It seemed to have disappeared. As he began turning in a slow circle to take a look at his surroundings, he noticed Mark standing off to one side. He didn't have his camera, which was strange, given that the last time Roger had seen him, he'd been carrying it under his arm as he left their building to go film. The two men stared at each other, a silent conversation passing between them along with the occasional shrug. One by one, the rest of their group all appeared, each one looking just as confused as Mark and Roger both felt, and lastly, Benny showed up.

"Way to go, Benny," Maureen said as they all formed a circle in the middle of the stage, not knowing what else to do. "Look at this, you literally broke actual reality, you jerk! Thanks a lot!"  
"Is that even possible?" Roger wondered out loud. "To break actual reality? Like, no duh that virtual life can be broken, like if you're doing an MMORPG or something and the computer crashes, then obviously virtual life has been broken, but I'm not sure it's possible to break actual reality, is it?"  
"It is now, thanks to Benny," Maureen said, hands on her hips.

"I mean, why else would we all just randomly end up in some empty theater and be literally the only people in it? The way I figure, Benny did something stupid that resulted in actual reality getting broken, and whatever he did made us end up inside virtual life, hence the unnatural emptiness and silence of this place."

"I like that theory, Mo," a voice said, "but as awesome as it may be, it's unfortunately not true. Good guess, though, A+ for coming up with that."

They all turned. Standing among the audience seats was a teenage girl with dark brown hair pulled into a sloppy bun that had probably started on the back or top of her head, but had ended up loosening enough to fall so that it covered most of the back of her neck. She wore mismatched knitted fingerless glove, a navy blue one on her left hand, and a light green one on her right. Around her neck was a black necklace with tiny green Swarvoski crystals and a filgeree witch's hat that rested just below her collarbone. She had pearl studs in her ears, fingernails that had obviously been chewed and bitten many times, and no makeup to hide her acne. She was wearing jeans and brown kneeboots that laced up in the back and had zippers on the inner sides, a purple tee-shirt with a witch hat and the words "You say 'wicked' like it's a bad thing" printed on it, and a faux leather jacket with most of its buttons missing, along with the belt that had no doubt once gone through the now-empty belt loops on it.

The girl rocked on her heels as she waved. "Hi," she said, "I'm Maggie. I brought you all here. Sorry for the inconvenience. And I know I look young, but I go to a public high school, so don't be afraid to cuss and swear in front of me. When you go to public school, there's pretty much nothing you haven't heard by the time you get into my grade level, believe me. I hear that stuff on a daily basis, it doesn't phase me at all. Anyway," she said as she reached the front of the stage and climbed onto it, then straightened out her shirt, "I know you guys are all wondering why the hell I stuck you all on this random stage, so let me explain. See, I'm a fan fic authoress, and even though I haven't written or published much for the RENT fandom before, I'm a huge RENThead. Awhile back, like when I first joined the fan fic site I post on, I started a Q&A thing with the characters from Wicked. Basically it was this thing where readers sent in reviews with questions and dares for the characters, that sort of thing. Anyway, I've never seen one of those for the RENT fandom, and I just watched RENT today, right before this idea came to me, actually, so I thought I'd stick one out there."

She turned so that she was facing the audience and snapped. Several people shielded their eyes as the house lights went down and the stage lights suddenly came on, shining directly down onto everybody. In the exact same instant, they were suddenly faced with a full house, and what looked like a talk show set appeared on stage. A girl with tangled blonde hair came running out from stage right, a huge grin on her face as she practically flew towards Maggie and then aburuptly skidded to a stop beside the brunette. "This is Bree," Maggie said, gesturing to the other girl. "She's like my partner-in-crime. She's also a huge RENThead, and, oh, Roger, you might wanna watch out because she's like _insanely _into you. Come to think of it, so am I. SHAMELESS ROGER FANGIRLS!"

The two girls hugged each other tightly and let out matching high-pitched squeals of excitement. "Anyway," Maggie said once they'd finished with their moment, "here's what's gonna happen; we're gonna get reviews from people asking you guys questions and giving you dares. You're going to answer and do them, and if you don't, you're going to have to deal with whatever punishment Bree and I come up with for you at the time. Oh, and if at any point any of you sees a guy with dirty-blonde curly hair wearing a red-and-gold vest with a tricolor sash come running through here carrying a big red flag that's torn and has holes in it, I want you to go stage right, and just behind the curtain over there, you'll see a white box, which is where the house light controls are, and right next to that box, you'll see a big red button labeled ENJY ALERT, and I want you to push the button if you see this guy, alright?"

"Sure, but why?" Joanne asked. Maggie rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh," she said, "he's been running and trying to hide from me for like a week now 'cause for some weird reason, he's gotten it in his head that I'm like the leader of the French National Guard or something. He's from Les Mis, he's the leader of a student revolutionary group from nineteenth century Paris that built this barricade in 1832 after General Lamarque died, then they all went and got shot. Anyway, his name's Enjolras, he's got a minor obsession with barricades and the building thereof, I told him he's not allowed to have one inside my giant underground hideout, and a few days later, bam, he's suddenly running around in his vest and sash with the flag, screaming at the top of his lungs that I'm the leader of the National Guard in disguise and I'm not to be trusted and a bunch of stuff in French that I only understand an occasional word or phrase of and blah blah blah."

"And I thought Grantaire was the drunk one," Bree muttered. Maggie nodded. "Yeah, no chiz," she agreed. "Anyway, if you guys see him, just hit that button for me so I know where to come look for him, alright? 'Preciate it. Alright, Bree, let's go see about adding Aaron Tveit to the Hostage Collection of Epicness while we wait for the first reviews, shall we?"

Before Bree could say anything in response, Maggie had snapped the fingers of both hands, and in a puff of glittery green smoke, she and Bree were both gone, and the house was once again empty, leaving the Alphabet City Avant-Garde (plus Benny) standing on the stage with nobody but each other for company.

"Well," Roger said finally, crossing his arms, "this oughta be interesting."

* * *

**AN: So yeah. That's that. Send in reviews, ask questions, give dares, and let's see what kind of hilarity ensues.**

**—Maggie**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII II'M FOOOOOOOOOOOOORBIIIIIIIDEEEE EEEEEN TO PRODUCE...milk. IN CYYYYYBERLAAAAA—lolololol, jk! I just couldn't resist that urge, so PX**

**Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING AND DENY EVERYTHING! XD**

**—Maggie**

* * *

"ALRIGHT, GANG!" Maggie announced as she climbed onto the stage with another girl close on her heels. This girl wasn't Bree, though, it was somebody else. "First off, Bree's not here for undisclosed reasons. Instead, my friend Gracie is here. You can also call her Ivana or Cherry if you want, it doesn't matter. Just don't call her Thing 2, that's my name for her. Gracie, would you like to do the honors today?" Gracie smiled and nodded eagerly. "Sure thing!" she said. She snapped, and everything appeared just as it had before.

"Please take a seat, make yourselves comfortable. Take a chair, take a sofa, it doesn't matter where you sit, just don't take one of these chairs 'cause this is where Gracie and I sit. You can pick any other seat, though, it doesn't matter to us. Alright, everybody seated and comfy? Excellent, let's get started! Now, before we read these reviews, I'd just like to explain a few things to you all. First off, I know that there's a strong dislike for Benny, Gracie and I aren't huge fans, either. However, we want this to be fair to everybody, so if and when he gets questions, please do not interrupt him while he's answering them. I'm going to be treating each of you with equal respect, and I expect you lot to do the same thing, not just to me and Gracie, but to each other, as well. Second, if at any point somebody you don't recognize comes onstage, don't freak, it's probably just one of the characters from other fandoms that I hang out with or one of my OCs bringing me some news or something. And last but most certainly not least, this thing is rated T, not M, so let's try not to get too terribly graphic with the language and stuff, because I can get in trouble with the website for that, and believe me, that is like the last thing we want.

"Alright, so here's how this is going to work; as you can see, Gracie and I each have our own set of index cards, and on the table between us is a transparent green clipboard with a crack in it and a trio of stickers on the top. That's my clipboard, I put the stickers on there for decoration, just ignore how badly the City of Bones one is starting to peel off, alright? That's why I put it where I did, I was hoping the paper would help keep it down some, but that's not really working quite like I thought it would. Anyway, we've each got our cards, the clipboard's on the table between us, and if you'll all turn around for a moment, you'll see that behind us there is a giant screen like Ellen DeGeneres has on her show. Now, basically what's going to happen is that Gracie and I are going to take turns reading the reviews sent in by people, which is what's written on the cards. The clipboard is there so that we can write down anything of importance and make notes to ourselves about various things. The screen is going to come into play if we ever get any dares that involve somebody leaving the set and going out onto the street or something, that way we'll be able to watch what happens.

"NOW, the first chapter only got two reviews, which is alright since we're only just getting started with this. It'll probably pick up more as we go along, that's what happened when I did this with Wicked. The first chapter got like one review, I think it was, and then the next one had like five, so don't worry, thing's will definitely get more interesting as we make progress with this. In fact, one of the reviews is from none other than Gracie herself, so I'm actually just going to let her ask what she wants to know right now and make it all that much easier. Thing 2, you've got the floor."

Gracie smiled. "Thanks, Thing 1," she said, laying her cards down on top of the clipboard. "First off, hi there, Mo! You're like my number one dream role, I love you and you rock!"  
"Aw, thanks, baby!" Mo said, grinning sweetly at her. "It's always nice to meet a fan."

Gracie blushed slightly and brushed some hair behind her ear. "Aw, you're sweet," she said. "So, anyway, I actually wanted to just say that, like I told Maggie, Benny has a tiny point, and so I'd like to give him a chance to explain his...What was that word I used in my review? Oh yeah! Some of his assbuttness!"

The audience, Maggie, and the gang all laughed, but Benny just rolled his eyes. "First off," he said once things had quieted down enough for him to be heard, "I know that Maureen over there is always saying that I, quote, 'sold out,' but that's not what it was. What she refers to as selling out is actually what most people would call growing up, it's as simple as that."

"Then explain that broken promise about the rent," Roger demanded, leaning forward slightly in his seat. Mark frowned and adjusted his glasses. "Yeah," he agreed, "what's the deal with that? I mean, you gave us your word that after you married Muffy or Allison or whatever she wants to be called, you would arrange something for us that would make it so we wouldn't have to pay rent on the loft. Well, you got married, and two weeks after you get back from your honeymoon, you're knocking on the door demanding to know why we haven't paid the rent. What the _actual_ _fuck_ is up with that, man? You lied to us!"  
"I did not lie to you," Benny said."  
"Don't give us that shit, you—"

A canon went off somewhere and everybody covered their ears. "What the fuck was _that?!" _Roger yelled. Maggie calmly looked up from what she was writing on the clipboard. "That, my sexy and angst-ridden musician friend," she said, "was the sound of a canon firing at the barricade Monsieur Enjolras and his friends built and then died at. You see, every time an argument starts up like it just did between the three of you, all I have to do is open up this nifty little box sitting on the table here, push one of these little buttons inside, and we hear that canon go off. As you can see, there are numerous buttons, switches, dials, sliders, and such inside this box. It's sort of like...the master controls for everything, I suppose. Everything has its own little label with a single word printed on it, and that word tells me what that particular button, switch, or whatever does. The words wouldn't make a lick of sense to any of you, but Gracie, Bree, and I know exactly what each word means. It's coded, so to speak. That way none of you guys can wreak havoc should you ever get ahold of it, and by 'you guys,' I mean Roger. Anyway, let me remind you about that respect rule I mentioned earlier. Benny, you may continue now."

"Thank you," Benny said. "Like I was saying, I didn't lie about the rent thing, you two, alright? I totally forgot about it while Allison and I were gone, because that's what you're supposed to do on your honeymoon, think about nothing but the here-and-now, and I was planning on bringing it up with her dad first chance I got once we came home, but then I started to think that maybe that wasn't such a good idea when I started being around him on a daily basis. I saw how he acts about even the smallest things, and I thought that maybe I should just wait a bit longer and try to establish a more stable relationship with him before I tried asking for that sort of favor, but then he took me aside one day and started asking me when those, and I quote, 'lazy, good-for-nothing bums' that I 'call friends' were going to pay the rent they owed, and I told him I'd go over and talk to you guys about it. He thought it was a good idea, said that maybe since I knew you guys and had a personal relationship with you, I'd be able to—and again, these are his words, not mine—'talk some sense into those damn heads' of yours. Things just ended up going from there until they ended up where they are right now."

"So basically what you're saying is that it's your father-in-law's fault you ended up becoming what you have," Gracie said. Benny nodded. "That's one way to put it, yes," he agreed.  
"Well, that doesn't make you any less of a sell-out," Maureen said, "and you're still yuppie scum as far as I'm concerned." He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "To each their own, I suppose," he said.

"Alright!" Maggie said, snatching up her cards and sitting up straight as she beamed. "Next up, we have a dare, sent in by cece3457! Now, this one is group participation, and you're going to be in pairs for it. So, Roger and Mimi are a pair, Collins and Angel, Maureen and Joanne, and then Mark, I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to be with Benny, 'cause cece specifically requests that I have you guys paired according to canon couples, and since Muffy's not here and you don't have a girlfriend, she said that you guys are gonna be paired up. Sorry, dude."

As she was speaking, Gracie had jumped up and ran off, but now she came back with a rolling cart that had a big wooden box on it. Maggie stood up and went to stand beside Gracie. "Okay, so here's the deal," the former said, looking down at her cards. "Inside this box, we have four coconuts. Each pair is going to get their own coconut, which you are then going to hold between yourselves. Here's the catch; you're not allowed to hold it with your hands, it has to be with...Originally, she put lips, but I'm going to have it be chins, because I think that'll make it more interesting. So, you're going to hold it between yourselves using your chins. The goal is to get your coconut down to your crotch area WITHOUT TOUCHING IT WITH YOUR HANDS. The first pair to do so wins.

"If at any point either of you touches the coconut, your pair is out. If you drop it, you're out. If somebody's nose gets stuck in one of the holes—I'm kidding! Oh my god, Mark, don't look at me like that, I'm pretty sure those holes are too small to fit a human nose inside, anyway, jeez! Oh, and Roger, you're not allowed to lick yours, either. First off, I'm pretty sure the outside doesn't taste too good, what with all the fuzz and stuff, and second, the tip of your tongue, unlike the tip of your nose, is small enough that it probably _can _get stuck in the holes if you end up licking it too close to where they are, and I seriously don't want to have to deal with getting a coconut off your tongue, alright, dude? So no licking. After we're done with this, anybody who wants to drink the milk inside their coconut will be allowed to, I've got some bendy straws backstage in my bag that I brought with me today specifically for the coconut milk, so if you want to drink yours, let me know afterwards and I'll get you a straw. Alright, does everybody understand the rules of the game?"

"Coconut on chins, get it to the crotch, don't touch or drop it," Angel said. She nodded. "I got it! Ready, honey!"  
"Excellent, now did Gracie miss anybody when she was handing out coconuts? No? Alright then, everybody put their coconuts on their chins. On your mark...Get set...GO!"

Mark and Benny's coconut fell almost as soon as they let it off their chins, then smashed open when it hit the stage floor, slpattering milk on their shoes and a few drops onto their pants. "Mark and Benny are out!" Maggie called as Gracie ran over with a rag and broom to clean up the mess. Maureen and Joanne had managed to get their coconut down from their chins without any trouble, but it had landed in Maureen's cleavage and now they were having a bit of difficulty getting it to go any further down. Roger and Mimi's had somehow ended up on Roger's shoulder, and he was managing to hold it in place so it wouldn't fall with the side of his head, but now they had to figure out how to get it off his shoulder safely, because they knew that if he lifted his head, it would end up like Mark and Benny's.

Meanwhile, Angel was balancing hers and Collins' in the dip of her pelvis where her leg met her hip. She was sort of leaning back in her seat with the one leg about halfway up while she and Collins debated about whether it would be against the rules for him to get up and go around to the side of her chair so he could gently headbutt it into her crotch. Even in that slightly awkward position, Angel didn't look the least bit uncomfortable, and she didn't seem to mind holding the pose for as long as she needed to in order to keep the coconut safely where it was while they sorted things out.

Maureen and Joanne continued to struggle with getting theirs out of Mo's cleavage, and Roger and Mimi had succeeded in getting theirs down from Roger's shoulder and inbetween Mimi's knees, where she was now holding it. Using some very careful teamwork, they were able to get it so that Roger was also holding it with his knees at the same time as Mimi, and from there, they were able to carefully work it further and further inward until finally, it landed right where it needed to. At the exact same time, however, Collins figured out how to angle his head so that he was able to nudge their coconut without ever having to leave his seat, and it rolled from its cradle between Angel's leg and hip right into her crotch. Mimi and Angel both called out, "Done!" at the same time.

Maggie looked back and forth between the two couples for a moment. "Mimi and Roger have theirs in both their croth areas," she said finally, "and Angel and Collins' is only in Angel's. Since cece didn't specify whether it had to be both or if it could be just one, I'll go ahead and say that it was a tie and all four of you won. Gracie, go ahead and wrap things up for me while I collect the coconuts and put 'em back in the box, 'kay?"

"'Kay. Alright, everybody, that's all for today! Hope you've enjoyed the show, 'cause I know I sure have, and Maggie would also like to give a shout-out to HeartsAndHeadsCollide, who she actually met today at lunch at school, and they exchanged FF usernames, and Maggie doesn't wanna use this girl's real name for safety reasons, but HeartsAndHeads, if you happen to be reading this, you know exactly who you are, and Maggie wants you to know that you like seriously rule, girlfriend! Anyway, remember to review, you guys, because this story isn't going anywhere unless you do. And, also, Maggie would also like to let you guys know that she was poking around online out of boredom one day, and she found a website with all kinds of awesome trivia about the RENT movie that she has memorized a lot of, so if any of you want to know something out of that collection of little tidbits, all you have to do is ask, and Maggie will be glad to share some of what she knows. Alright, guys, that's about gonna do it for today, so keep on rockin' and rollin', have an awesome day, don't forget to review, and remember, whatever you do, _don't pay last year's rent!"_

* * *

**AN: DON'T YOU DARE PAY THAT RENT, YOU GUYS! STICK IT TO DA MAN, MAN! WOOOOOOOO, RIOT LIKE IT'S 1832!**

**—Maggie the Revolutionary**


End file.
